Men Ditch ‘Nice Guy’ Style, Get More Dates
By Stephanie Chen, CNN, highlighted by 蕭十一郎
Everyone probably knows a Mr. Nice Guy like Melcher, who is now 46. He's the guy who patiently listens to a girl complain without interrupting her. Because of his sweet nature, he puts the girl’s demands first, altering his weekend plans to fit her schedule.
‘Girls might say they want a nice guy, but what they really want is the cool guy,’ said Arthur Malov, founder of New York Dating Coach, a relationship consulting agency with primarily male clients. ‘A jerk is rarely so bad that no one wants to hook up with him.’
The dating coach tells men to stop being so available and flexible. He advises the men to leave a little mystery because women, despite what they say, do desire the chase. Malov says the nice-guy persona is the No. 1 problem cited by his male clients, and he explains why, using the game of poker. ‘A lot of nice guys are showing all his cards and saying, ‘What should I do?’’ he says. ‘After that, nothing happens.’
The Modern Man, a company based in Australia that provides dating advice, suggests a similar anti-nice guy solution: Stop wasting money on expensive dates, and don’t always cater to her needs first. ‘Realize that women don’t want you to hand over your power by being a Mr. Nice Guy in return for their affection, love and attention,’ said Dan Macon, who runs The Modern Man. ‘Sure, women want you to show them respect and love, but they also want you to be a man and take charge. If you can’t do that, women won’t want to be with you.’
Being a nice guy has always backfired in relationships, says 21-year-old David, a University of Connecticut student who declined to give his last name. He said he used to put women on a pedestal – giving them thoughtful gifts and taking them out to fancy dinners. But he stopped doing those things over the last two months and made himself less available. He’s not trying to be cocky or mean to woman, but his new attitude is getting him more dates.
Despite this attitude, some dating coaches say that women should keep an open mind. The negative stereotypes of a nice guy aren’t always true; the men aren’t always timid or easy pushovers. While the nice guys may not be as forward or loud, their selfless personality can be valuable to a lasting relationship, they say.
Being Mr. Nice Guy worked to Melcher’s advantage when he met his future wife when he was 23. She strolled into the bank where he worked one day, and he seemed nice, so she asked him out to coffee that day – a date that would evolve into a successful marriage.
Sometimes, all it takes is for the girl to give the nice guy a chance.
男「紳」女愛
CNN記者 陳芬妮 撰稿 蕭十一郎 譯
像現年46歲梅爾契這樣的好好先生，我們大概不會陌生：天生個性使然，這傢伙是個絕佳的傾聽者，從不打斷女士們喋喋不休的抱怨，永遠把女士們的需求擺在第一，甚至肯為她們更改自己原訂的周末行程。
一所以男性客戶為主的紐約聯誼諮詢機構負責人馬亞瑟指出：「女孩們或許喜歡好好先生，但她們更想要的是酷哥。『男人不壞女人不愛』，其實也有幾分道理。」
馬建議男人對女人不要太配合、太坦白，最好留給女人一點想像的空間；不管嘴上怎麼說，她們總抑制不住自己的好奇心。在他客戶的諸多問題之中，就數被發好人卡最多；「這就好比是玩梭哈一樣」，馬說，「自己底牌盡露之後再問女人：『接下來我該做甚麼？』，最後結果是誰也不會理你。」
一家位於澳洲的聯誼諮詢公司「現代男人」提出避免被發好人卡的辦法：別砸錢約會，勿一味對女人言聽計從。該公司主管麥肯說：「要知道女人不會在男人交出他們的權威、並且當個好好先生之後，便從此對他們愛慕關注有加。」「女人固然需要愛和尊重，但她們更需要男人像個男人。沒有男人味的話，是沒有女人理你的。」
21歲、不願透露全名、現就讀於康乃狄克大學的大衛表示，好好先生的行為總是搞砸他和女生的交往；過去的他一定拜倒石榴裙下 --- 送貼心禮物、共進豪華大餐；但兩個月前他決定一改往昔作風，讓自己變的稍有個性一點。性格一點，而不是耍大牌或對女生擺臉色，如此一來，約會的頻率反而增多了。
不只男人要改變，一些專家亦明說女人也應敞開心胸，因為好好先生固有的負面形象未必是對，沒有人是永遠的濫好人。也 許好好 先生不會如男子漢般那麼霸氣，但他們無私的個性正是維繫一段恆定關係所不可或缺的要素。
話說咱們的好好先生梅契爾，倒是充分運用了「好人」這個特色，在 23 歲那年，遇見他的另一半；那天，在銀行上班的他，見她姍姍而來。他是如此和善，於是她主動邀他喝杯咖啡。就這麼一邀，約定了彼此的終身。
親愛的女士們，是不是該再給好好先生們一次機會了啊？
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