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20 Jokes Every Grammar Nerd Will Appreciate
BY BRANDON SPECKTOR
1. Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They drink.They leave.
2. The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
3. What's the difference between a cat and a comma? A: One has claws and the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the ends of a clause.
4.“Knock knock.” “Who's there?” “To.” “To who?” “Actually, it's to whom.”
5. Q: Why should you never date an apostrophe? A: They're too possessive.
6. Q: What do you call Santa's little helpers? A: Subordinate clauses.
7. Did you hear the one about the pregnant woman who went into labor and started shouting, "Couldn't! Wouldn't! Shouldn't! Didn't! Can't!"? She was having contractions.
8. A pun and a limerick walk into a bar together. No joke.
9. Saying‘I'm sorry’is the same as saying 'I apologize'. Except at a funeral. — Demetri Martin
10. Q: Which dinosaur knows the most words? A: A Thesaurus
11. Q: What happened when the verb asked the noun to conjugate? A: The noun declined.
12. Q: Why did Shakespeare only write in ink? A: Pencils confused him — 2B or not 2B?
13. I invented a new word! Plagiarism.
14. Never leave alphabet soup on the stove and then go out. It could spell disaster.
15. When I was young there was only 25 letters in the Alphabet? Nobody knew why.
16. Q: Which word becomes shorter after you add two letters to it? A: Short.
17. Q: What should you say to comfort a grammar nazi? A: “There, their, they're.”
18. When I was a kid, my teacher looked my way and said, “Name two pronouns.” I said, “Who, me?”
19. I before e... except when you run a feisty heist on a weird beige foreign neighbor.
20. "Write a wise saying and your name will live forever. " — Anonymous
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